Mini Critique - Padua

Zion worries, one Friday night when in Café Isabel, where he frequently sips coffee, sees his girlfriend Bea with another guy. It occurs to him like a lightning strike in his thought, remembers the thousand excuses Bea makes. Bea, as Zion recalls, often declines his offer to go out on Friday nights. It is an unmistakable realization by now that Zion loses his mind amidst confusion and begins to wonder again. Zion now with conviction stands up, some Reggae Bob Marley singing overture on the walls where the speakers hang… “Stand up… stand up… stand up for your right!” Zion clenched his fists, the words of the song wrapping around his chest like a vice. He had heard it before, many times, but tonight it felt different. Tonight, it felt like an omen. The song, “Stand Up,” was always a part of his childhood, but it was James who had sung it the loudest. Their parents had adored it. James was the golden child—the prodigy. The moment his lips parted, their world lit up in praise. Zion, on the...

 This is a third-person limited point of view because it focuses on Sarah's inner thoughts and emotions while still observing her outward interactions. It allows the reader to know the inner conflict of Sarah, especially her need to show that she was fine when, in fact, she was tired. This is very effective at creating empathy because we can relate to her feeling disconnected and the tension to be able to hide one's vulnerability. This narrow view, however, does not give the reader a chance to know the world from the barista's perspective, and that might add another whole layer to the story. As for critique, I feel the setting is very vividly described but so clichéd: that tiny, dimly lit café with drizzle and a tired barista. While these elements are great for the atmosphere in this story, one would soon be flooded by the similarity of those stories. There is little beyond Sarah's emotional state in character development-the barista, for example, was mentioned but had ...